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It’s time for the nation to heal and come together, President Joe Biden tells us.  We know from his inaugural address what we must avoid—”anger, resentment, hatred, extremism, lawlessness, violence, disease, joblessness, hopelessness.” 

And we’ve been told what we’re capable of doing—”We can right wrongs. We can put people to work in good jobs. We can teach our children in safe schools. We can overcome this deadly virus. We can reward work, rebuild the middle class, and make health care secure for all. We can deliver racial justice. We can make America, once again, the leading force for good in the world.”

But Biden hasn’t given us a prescription for what each of can do every day to promote unity. Here are a few thoughts:

• Before criticizing someone else’s point of view, adopt Stephen Covey’s approach: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  There’s always the chance the other fellow just might have something worthwhile to hear.  

• When arguing about the economy or impeachment—whatever the issue—focus solely on the issue, not the person with whom you’re talking. If you’re attacking the person, you’re not engaged in the art of argument; you’re engaging in verbal abuse, which probably means you don’t have much of a position to begin with. 

• Remember, no one wins an argument by belittling his opponent—ever. Belittling an opponent does just one thing—creates an enemy.      

• Use social media as a means of spreading a positive message instead of contributing to the cesspool of hate that many sites have become. 

• If you read something that sounds outrageous, it’s likely not true. Before you launch into a rage, search for the source of the information and ask this question: is what you’re reading consistent with what other news sites are communicating, or is it an outlier?

• Acknowledge that some people will never see things your way.

• Don’t post anything on social media about how bad Trump, Biden or any politician is. Sure, posting a harsh message might feel good for a few seconds, but it accomplishes nothing, except for causing people with a different view to roll their eyes or, worse yet,  respond in kind.

• Remember, the goal when communicating isn’t to win. The goal is to help someone come to a better understanding. If your message is delivered in anger, you’re not communicating; you’re trying to force others into submission. 

• Jettison the “us” versus “them” mentality.

• Try to engage in real conversation, that is, talking about a subject without having an endgame in mind and just seeing where the conversation takes you. Here’s the challenge: this requires real listening.

• Spend more time helping others—community service, helping your neighbor—than  venting your anger.

• Practice humility (a tough one for me). You just might be wrong about what you’re advocating.

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Jack D’Aurora writes for Considerthisbyjd.com

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